Returning Fall 2012 - Stay Tuned

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Lots of big things happening in D.C. lately: Wall, Strasburg, Harper, Ovechkin, Shannahan, Wale and football is right around the corner. On that note, the blog will be back soon in some capacity. As always, temper your expectations as all logical Skins fans have learned to do.

Skins-Bucs Preview: "What are you gunna do?"

"Either we heal now as a team or we will die as individuals..."

If I've gotten one major complaint about this blog, besides how much it sucks, it's that I am too long-winded and people need a dictionary to know what the hell I'm saying. As a result I will keep the Skins preview short and sweet this week.

In the aftermath of the Lions game, D.C. seemed like the saddest sports town in the Nation. Radio stations are literally giving out paper bags tomorrow for disgruntled fans to wear to this weeks game that read, "Hate the owner, love the team." Some shmuck is selling his fan loyalty on EBay for $10,000+ (good riddance) and anyone from outside the Nation's capitol who viewed this spectacle would probably think the Redskins had just finished their 50th losing season in a row and were about to leave town. We're not Baltimore people. For God's sake! We aren't fair-weather sissies but we have had enough of this underachieving product over the past 12 months, errr 18 years.

The most shocking news I received all week was that we were 9-point favorites this Sunday. My first reaction was that I must have drank the wrong bottle from under the sink the night before, but when the line remained the same when I woke up sober on Tuesday, I immediately began wondering how terrible Tampa must be if they are that big of underdogs against the Skins. The answer is, they're pretty terrible. Bottom 5 offense in the league, bottom 2 defense in the league. Already turning to a back-up QB who has thrown a total of 10 NFL passes and the team is headed by a first year coach who may have bitten off more than he could chew.

Breaking down the game the most interesting statistic to watch tomorrow will be third-downs on both sides of the ball. The Bucs have the worst 3rd down offense in the league and the Skins have the worst 3rd down defense in the league (based on conversion %). Something has got to give. I can't imagine that the defense isn't pissed off after Detroit moved the ball up and down the field on them last week and I can't imagine that Tampa's offense can be too cocky seeing as Josh Johnson will be making his first start of his career without many weapons around him. Tampa's offense actually makes the Lions look pretty legitimate. Kellen Winslow should be good for as many personal fouls as catches and their most valuable weapon (Antonio Bryant) may not even play. If Tampa is going to be successful it will likely have to be fueled by their running game which has 3 very capable runners in Cadillac Williams, Derrick Ward, and Earnest Graham. All said, Tampa will not be looking to turn this game into a shootout. They are probably going to try to grind the ball and hope to keep our offense out of the endzone as everyone other team has been able to do thus far.

Of course if I am going to mention injuries and running the ball it is noteworthy that Clinton Portis is questionable for the game and if he plays he will likely be very limited (under 20 touches, unless they shoot him up with some good shit). With that said it is likely that Jason Campbell will be airing the ball out and once again the passing game will be what makes or breaks this game. If there was ever a time for a statement game this is it and the two people in Redskins gear under the most scrutiny tomorrow will be Jason Campbell and Jim Zorn. Their fates are eternally linked. "You go, we go."

If I were Jim Zorn this week instead of fraternizing with Tom Cruise before the game, I would give a stirring rendition of this speech (my favorite cinematic football speech) and make sure that the team took the field with an "us against the world" mentality because that is the position we, I mean they, are in right now. Fuck the fans, fuck the owner, fuck Vinny, fuck FedEx field, fuck unemployed bloggers who foresee our demise each week, this isn't about anything but the 53 men in that locker room, coming together, and playing for each other. I know, I am an idealistic dolt and none of the millionaires in the locker room are going to stand up and say that, but you gotta dream, right? God where is George Allen when you need him!? (If you're a Skins fan and don't know who George Allen is, first kill yourself and then watch this video. "40 men together, can't lose!" )

As for a prediction, what use are those really? We are either going to be the same team we were in Detroit and lose this game 16-13 in overtime. Suicide rates will skyrocket in the D.C. area and more hermaphrodite Skins fans will jump on the Ravens bandwagon. Or, we are finally going to pull together and put a bad team away. Early and often. A stat that is particularly distressing is that the last time the Skins scored 30+ points in a game was December 23, 2007. As an aside, the Saints are AVERAGING 40 point per game this season! And the Lions thought they had a streak?? Even the Browns went over 30 twice in that span! Stick that in your pipe ESPN. I'm going to go out on a limb (which should come in handy if we lose) and say that if the Redskins win this game it won't be squeaker. My much-maligned heart says that if the Zorn-driven Skins are ever going to put together a complete game, this will be it and they will romp, 31-10. Take it as you will but we should know what we are working with after the first quarter tomorrow. It's hard to call the fourth game of an NFL season a must-win but that is pretty much where we are right now with the Skins. Get your paper bags ready ladies...

Queue Jack Kent Cooke rolling in his grave.

And here is some painful nostalgia because I hate you. Hard to believe this is the same franchise.

Friday College Football Preview

SECond to None

After last week's lousy slate of college football games the football gods have served up a nice offering this week as conference play kicks into high gear with 3 match-ups pitting top 25 teams against each other. Does anyone else agree that rankings should just be thrown out until after week 5? Each week we have to watch Lou Holtz poop his pants in studio because another "ranked" team gets blown out. Maybe this is because rankings in college football are about as arbitrary and fleeting as Teen Choice Awards...ask the Hanson Brothers how that worked out for them.

Anyhow we have to play the cards we are dealt and right now that consists of a weekly onslaught of crappy inaccurate rankings which fuel an even more fucked up BCS Championship system that will likely give us a national championship match-up the likes of the juggernaut Houston Cougars and the perennial fly in the ointment Boise State Broncos. I'll hold off on opening the BCS pandora's box for now and stick to this weekends games. Here are my picks, look over them while you ponder why no one is mentioning how good Texas has looked this year.

USC @ California (+4.5)

There's an old gambling adage in football that says only a fool bets on a game with a 4-point line. There is something about this crazy number that represents that gamblers have no idea what is going to happen. Usually it's the exact opposite of what common sense would tell you but it is nearly impossible to swallow your pride and go with that mindset so Vegas cleans up on these games annually. Our three big match-ups this week contain two games which have been hovering around a 4-point spread all week. What better time to put this theory to the test than in week 5 when we have no idea what the hell is going on in college football?

USC is undefeated with Matt Barkley under center but they have looked less than impressive in all of their games and California is coming off of an ass-whooping in Oregon (42-3), which put to rest any dreams they may have had of a national title. In all likelihood this game will decide who the Pac-10 favorite will be from here on out. While USC has more talent from top to bottom USC has played like dirt on the road this year, losing to Washington and squeaking out a victory against an Ohio State team that essentially gave the game away. Cal, on the other hand, has outscored their opponents 111-20 this year at home (granted those were against two bad teams). For me picking this game wasn't a matter of which team I liked better, rather which team I disliked less. I'll take Cal riding Javid Best heavily to a redemption game in Berkeley and count on Matt Barkely to finally blow a game and remind us why Pete Carrol acted like a jealous school boy bitch when Mark Sanchez declared for the NFL last spring. Confidence level: medium.

Oklahoma (-7) @ Miami

As much as I'd like to pick the boys from the U they embarrassed themselves last week in Blacksburg in a sloppy bad-weather game quieting the throngs of fair-weather fans who were ready to jump on the bandwagon and declare that the U was back. While I still believe Miami is the real deal their early season schedule has been beyond brutal (vs. Fla. St, @GT, @VT, vs. OK). It seems Florida State isn't quite as good as everyone believed at the beginning of the year leaving the Georgia Tech game as the biggest win of the year so far. While Miami will be in friendly confines this week and facing a back-up QB, I still think they are one year away from a return to glory. Oklahoma on the other hand has righted the ship after losing a stunner to BYU, and their starting QB in week one, not allowing a point against them in the last two weeks. OU will not shut out the Canes but they should be the toughest D Jacory Harris has faced yet in his young career and should have enough offensive firepower to cover the spread. I see OU winning this game easily setting up for a huge Red River Shootout in two weeks. Miami on the other hand should win out after this week to finish the season at 10-2 and may even have their shot at an ACC title this year if Virginia Tech stumbles along the way. Confidence level: high.

LSU (+4) @ Georgia

Ahhh the SEC. Finally a daytime showdown between two SEC powerhouses with far-reaching implications. It doesn't get much better. Both teams will be limping into this battle between the hedges coming in off of the narrowest of victories against inferior opponents. Georgia is likely salivating at the prospect of going up against an LSU defense that has allowed opponents to air it out at will throughout the year. The Bulldogs boast the best WR in the SEC in AJ Green (stat-wise, second to Julio Jones IMO), and Joe Cox will look to find him early and often. Georgia would love to make this game a shootout as they did last year in Death Valley trouncing the Tigers but Joe Cox is not Matthew Stafford and the Bulldogs no longer have a little guy named Knowshown Moreno in the backfield forcing teams to load up the box to stop the run. Georgia will get their points but in no way should this game be a shootout.

LSU's offense has looked pedestrian this year and a pre-season Heisman candidate, Charles Scott, isn't even the leading rusher on his own team. At QB, LSU may still be feeling the effects of the Ryan Perrilloux saga forcing Jordan Jefferson into a job two years ahead of schedule. Jefferson has been anything but explosive this season but one thing he has done, and will need to continue Saturday if the Tigers hope to win, is protect the football (1 int in 101 attempts).

The Tigers biggest opponent may be themselves. With the Florida game looming next week and Tebow just getting out of the hospital it is hard to imagine that LSU isn't licking their chops at the prospect of going up against the defending national champs without Jesus Christ...I mean Tim Tebow under center. LSU must avoid that kind of mentality or it's going to be a long week with a lot less fervor when they host Florida next week. The Tigers need look no further than what happened to California last week for motivation. Cal went into Oregon with this week's USC game on their mind and walked out with 42-3 smack-down at the hands of an "underdog" Oregon Duck squad.

All things considered Georgia should win this game and then become the Tigers #1 fans next week and hope they knock off Florida to give Georgia a clear path to the SEC Championship game. All the Tiger fans I've spoken to seem to have no faith in this team and are convinced that Georgia is going to exploit all of the Tigers weaknesses in a way Mississippi State began to last week. Like I said before, when everyone thinks they have a game figured out they are usually wrong. I'll go with my heart and not my mind on this one and take the Tigers to win by two on a last-second FG in a low-scoring, hard-hitting SEC game, setting up the game of the year next week versus the Gators. Confidence level: low.


Other leanings:

ATS:

South Florida (-6.5) @ Syracuse
Wisconsin (+3) @ Minnesota
Clemson (-12.5) @ UMD
UVA @ UNC (-13)
Ole Miss @ Vandy (+10)
Tulane @ Army (-6)
Washington (+12.5) @ Notre Dame
Air Force @ Navy (-2.5)
Georgia Tech (-5) @ Miss. St.
PSU (-7) @ Illinois
New Mexico @ Texas Tech (-34)
Auburn (+2.5) @ Tennessee
Houston (-14) @ UTEP
Wyoming (+3.5) @ Florida Atlantic

Home field advantage is over-rated.

Over/Under:

Michigan @ MSU Over 54
UCLA @ Stanford Over 46
FIU @ LA Monroe Over 55.5
Boise St. @ WHOEVER Over 55.5
Washington @ Notre Dame Over 53.5

Ohio St. @ Indiana Under 49
SMU @ TCU Under 52
Ark. St @ Iowa Under 45
Cincy @ Miami-Ohio Under 59
LSU @ UGA Under 51
Tulsa @ Rice Under 62.5


YTD ATS: 6-7
YTD O/U: 5-3

And for your moment of Zen, here is what it feels like to be a Redskins fan these days: click me.

Reflecting on the Detroit Meltdown...Looking Forward

Fail to the Redskins

So I figured I'd let the dust settle for a few days before really reflecting on the Lions game. The D.C. media has had a field day with this thing and it seems almost like half of our fan base was rooting for this type of a shit-the-bed game to illustrate the futility of the entire organization. No true Redskins fan could say they were surprised or caught off guard by what happened in Detroit. Everyone knew Detroit had improved this year and the Redskins didn't hide the fact that they have apparently forgotten how to put the ball into the end zone. Obviously there is no excuse for being the first victim to lose to the Lions in their last 20 games but it couldn't have happened to a more hapless group that the Redskins. I found myself so frustrated during the first half of the game that I began writing down my thoughts in an attempt to prevent my self from spitting on the television whenever they showed Zorn looking clueless. Here are those notes unedited from when I wrote them:

1st half

-It all starts with the coach…this team lacks discipline and motivation

- WR fumbles and D-Hall literally stood over the ball and watched a Lion slide in and cover it. Neat.

-The coaching decisions have been atrocious, even if it had worked out you never give a team another chance. 4th and 3 or 3rd and 13? Make them attempt the FG. You haven’t stopped them all day and then you call a Time out on 3rd down to save them time and then they go down and lay another score on you. Well done Zorn. Maybe you should have asked Tom Cruise (Stefen Djordjovic) to talk to the defense because his game in 'All the Right Moves' looks tougher than Blache's D right now.

-Defense jumping offsides multiple times...way to help out their rookie QB. Discipline. Where in the F is our pressure? Why aren't we blitzing?

-Guys hanging their heads right and left on the sideline. It's only 10-0 but it feels like 30.

-Only person I ever see Zorn interact with is Campbell

-No on is held accountable for their mistakes

-Is LaRon Landry still on the team, haven't seen him make a form tackle all year. Take out that damn lip ring bro! Please.

-Haynesworth collapses after first sack of season – like we didn’t see that one coming. See ya in 2010. (He came back into the game in the 3rd quarter).

-Have to feel bad for Portis he is a victim of a terribly predictable playcalling system, 4th and goal from the one, shocker that you are not going to run to the side without 2 backups on it. Not to mention we lined up for the play, they called timeout, and we came out in the same formation and ran the play anyways. Why run wide?! If you can't get one yard when you need it from your offensive line things need to change.

-Playcalling is always predictable. Nothing is ever set up, the Lions have been setting up Calvin Johnson’s reverse from the beginning of the game and the Skins D has to respect that while Kevin Jones rips off nice runs up the middle. (Lions then went on to finally hand the ball to Johnson on the reverse late in the 4th quarter to help run out the clock).

-Ive seen 4 people show any emotion in this game, Rocky McIntosh, Reed Doughty, Cooley and London Fletcher (as usual). 13-0 at the half. Lifeless. God please take my life.

2nd half

-Moss scores, somehow this doesn't feel like the start of a comeback but more like a lone highlight for Sportscenter.

-Randle El is telling Campbell to hurry up and snap the ball. Delay of game.

-JC is missing open guys high again, got WRs coming back to the huddle telling JC they were open.

-Obviously the refs should not be a factor in the games but calls like waving off a facemask after a ref saw it and called it from the best possible angle is egregious and obviously a product of some error. Questionable interference call on Horton but I almost find myself rooting for the Lions, they have dominated this game and are in 'Holy shit we are going to win, let's run out the next 15 minutes mode.'

-Skins gave the game away, refs finished them off. Two biggest plays of the second half for the Lions were a waved off facemask call and a pass interference on a desperation heave on third down to give them the ball inside the 10.

-One complement to Campbell is that his play-calling is better than Zorn we seem to move the ball better in a two-minute offense than we do throughout the game. Take the leash off him Zorn, there is nothing left to lose!!!

-I take that back Campbell, checking the ball down to a RB for a 3-yard gain with under a minute left is worse than throwing the ball away. This isn't news.

-Matt Stafford, put your fucking tongue away in this league if you want to keep it.

-In the NFL it boils down to this, either you are a playoff team or you aren’t. As a Redskins fan would you really want to be led to believe this is a playoff team with a weak schedule early in the year only to be let down this winter? Not me. I’ll take a consistently awful team, which we are. A team who may have the chance to ruin some teams playoff runs down the line but will in no way deserve to be involved ourselves. Our opening schedule is extremely weak but it will get much tougher should be a 6-10 season at best if changes aren't made.


End of notes.

A couple days later I have settled down but I don't really have anything to retract from my in-game comments. We show no passion out there and our potential is not even close to being represented on the field. The question then becomes, why? Who is to blame? Players? Coaches? Front office? LaVar Arrigton and John Riggins think it is the owner, the media think it's the coach (probably because they can't say anything negative about the owner or they will find themselves bound and gagged and thrown in the Anacostia River because he owns pretty much every media device in the area), and the players seem to be blaming themselves. It's only week 3 and we are on the heels of a full-scale implosion. Luckily for Zorn's job security he is a "yes-man" to Snyder and will likely hold onto his job more than someone who actual had testicles would.

Strangely my feelings about this game have gone from depression, to apathy to a weird sort of pseudo-optimism. Maybe I just hate the majority that much. Right now people are pissing on us for losing to the Lions because it ended their futility streak. Fair-weather Skins fans are jumping off the bandwagon (good riddance) and generally people in the District are overreacting (typical). Granted the Lions suck but you'll see them win 4-6 games this season and then this loss will just look like another blown opportunity to win a game away from home. It's no worse than any other loss we've given away over the past 10 years, and this in no way approaches the feelings durring the Spurrier era, it's just that this gives fodder to Redskins haters to say "haha...you all are a joke" which currently is dead on. The good thing is that losses like this usually inspire change, whether it be people getting fired, the team fighting each other and finding out who really wants it OR it could just lead to the wheels falling off: people not showing up to games, the team quitting on each other and generally finishing the season 3-13, which I don't think can or will happen with our potential.

Don't get me wrong we suck, 8-8 at best, but at least now we can play spoiler to legit teams and not have the false hope of actually making the playoffs like we do most years.

On a more depressing note the Terps are absolute do-do. I would love to incorporate some college football into this blog but they have made the thought of covering games less appealing than bathing with a toaster. I may just start betting against them every week to pay back my student loans. They couldn't get worse and until they prove otherwise I don't think they are worthy of taking the field against another D-1 school. They could conceivably only win 3-4 games this year and that is AT BEST. We've come a long way since Fridge led Vanderlinden's players to the Orange Bowl haven't we? Too bad he'd have to literally take his pants off, eat nachos and crap on the 50 yard line during a game in which the Terps are losing by 100 to be fired because Debbie Yow is a two-timing bull dyke (just speculating) and best friends with a coach who would rather see players graduate than win football games. I love having a woman for an Athletic Directior. Long live Title 9. Idiots.

In a rare attempt to end on a positive note the Caps season starts tomorrow and expectations have never been higher. The rest of the Washington area sports world has let us down royally and all our hopes and dreams will be riding on #8 this season. I'm trying not to get too excited because apparently the sports gods don't like to see me happy and they will spitefully tear his ACL in November if I start talking about the C-U-P potential of the Caps. I'll hold off on that for now and leave you with another D.C. area bright spot. The Nats locked up the #1 pick in next years draft last night and they are looking to draft Superman AKA the LeBron of Baseball (this kid is 16) and tonight Sherwood-UMD product Justin Maxwell hit a sweet walk-off grand slam to end the game, which I would enjoy even more if the Nats didn't have the worst play-by-play guys in baseball history. Smile while you can children, smile while you can. Happy Hockey Season.

And for your moment of Zen, I've figured out how to get the Redskins to perform better...more monkeys in Gucci bags!!!

Redskins @ Lions: There's a hoe down in Mo-town

We need more Mike Sellers in the world

Unlike other gameday previews this one comes to you free from: Papa John's ads, Daniel Snyder Puppeteering, or genuine hate for the Burgundy and Gold that comes from unbiased "experts" the likes of fat asses Peter 'the burger' King and Len 'Don Vito' Pastabelly. While I love the Skins I am probably the most pessimistic fan you will ever encounter and I try to at least be honest with myself before each game and not to get too high or low after wins or loses. Not getting to high after a win was easy this week when the entire nation treated an ugly 9-7 win over the Rams like a loss. Unsurprisingly experts all over the league began predicting that Detroit's 19-game losing streak was going to come to an end when the lowly Skins rolled into Ford Field this Sunday. A Vegas line that opened at 7 points has slid all the way down to 5 points (meaning there is a shit load of people betting on the Lions) and instead of breaking down the next opponent it seemed the Redskins were spending more time talking about Twitter and defending it's coach and QB from the criticism of the media and fans.

Needless to say this is a team that is feeling less than confident and to boot they find themselves limping into week 3, literally, as Campbell and Portis have been limited in practice throughout the week. The worst part of last weeks game was not the impotence of the offense but the loss of Randy Thomas (RG) who was the second most valuable part of an offensive line that lacks depth.
Filling his void will be second year lineman Chad Rinehart who will have to hold his own if the Skins are going to make any noise on offense this year. Luckily for the offensive side of the ball they may be up against the worst defense the NFL has seen over the last decade. Injuries are part of every NFL match-up and the Lions have their own share to worry about without Ernie Simms heading their LB-corps. Look for Jim Zorn to open the playbook and take more than one or two deep shots down the field. Santana Moss needs a breakout game just to remind himself how bad-ass he is and Malcolm Kelly can smell his first NFL TD. Cooley should be Cooley and catch 7 for 86 yards so Campbell will have plenty of opportunity to quite his critics. Clinton Portis should be salivating to finally break the 100-yard mark as he faces a defense without their best run-stopper. CP has traditionally run well on turf and this Sunday should be no different unless the Skins somehow find themselves behind early in which case the entire D.C. area will have already blown their brains out.

Reading the last few sentences you may think I was writing about the New Orleans Saints and not the Redskins but up against the Lions D there is absolutely no reason why everyone on offense shouldn't be able to execute. They will move the ball but will they be able to put it in the end zone rather than settling for FGs? Time will tell but from my experience watching the NFL just when the "experts" have a team pegged, in this case, "the Redskins can't score TDs," that team usually comes out and does the exact opposite the next week. No member of the media ever owns up to this or stands by their pre-season predictions they just go on making more ignorant assertions each week until the public is so inundated with the asinine comments of Michael Irvin, Mark Schlereth and John "Poindexter" Clayton that they can't tell their assholes from a hole in the ground. Must be nice to be an expert.

On the other side of the ball the Lions really do have some weapons on offense. Calvin Johnson IS Megatron and holding him to 100 yards and a TD, even with a rookie QB throwing the ball, has to be considered a good day, he's that good. Kevin Jones can find holes and pound the ball but he is nothing the Skins haven't seen after facing two of the biggest bruising RBs in the league (Jacobs and Jackson). Detroit's big TE, Brandon Pettigrew, will be a good NFL player someday but he is a rookie and still learning so he shouldn't be difficult to neutralize. The man under the center will be the storyline regardless of the outcome on Sunday. If rookie Matthew Stafford can lead the Lions to a victory and stop their losing streak from hitting 20 he will be proclaimed the second coming of Jesus Christ, he will be named the president of GM and he will turn Flint, Michigan into a bustling suburb of Detroit revitalize the worst city in the country. He'll basically become Bill Brasky. The reaction would be the exact opposite in Washington. Dan Snyder would fire everyone: Jim Zorn, Jason Campbell, the fans, Obama, no one would be safe. All Papa John's restaurants would close and the first born sons of all Redskins fans would be sold off to the highest bidders. The Redskins losing streak would be longer than the Lions. I would cold and alone.

I do not want this outcome but it is a very real possibility unless the Redskins show some fire on offense and for God's sake get pressure on the fucking Quarterback! In the off-season we ignored depth on the offensive line and instead went for game changers on the D-Line (Haynesworth and Orakpo) which cost us more than the GDP of 33% of the Nations in the U.N. **Sidenote: Haynesworth's contract isn't "worth" nearly as much as the idiots of the world would have you think, potentially it is worth $100 million but it's much easier to hate the Redskins and say, "they are trying to buy a championship" than it is to actually learn how NFL contracts work and tip your hat to the Skins for the being the best salary cap manipulators in league history.** Back to the game, because we ignored the O-Line in the off-season the defense has been improved and has looked as such over the first two games besides some lazy tackling by D'Angelo Hall and LaRon Landry. Hopefully Greg Blache is dialing up a defensive gameplan that consists of about 75% blitzing. I will be perfectly content with getting beat by a rookie QB if we put pressure on him and he makes the right reads and beats us straight up but I will not be able to swallow a loss if we stay back in out dime defense and allow him to plod his way down the field like he's fucking Eli Manning. Though they both have terrible Southern Frat Boy bitch haircuts the similarities end there. The Skins have no reason not to try to exploit the young QB on one side of the ball and to stave off the criticism of Zorn and Campbell for a few days on the other side of the ball by scoring some points.

Vegas sees this game as 19-13 struggle going the Redskins way and, despite the fact that the Redskins have a far more talented team than the Lions, I find it hard to stray from that prediction seeing how little firepower the offense has shown over the first two weeks. Making predictions about this team is like picking which one of your grandmothers you want to give a Brazilian wax to, you can't win. All things considered I am going to go with: Redskins 26, Lions 16. God save the Queen.

As always, remember Sean Taylor. In video #2 you can see what he did to the guy who was asking for it before the game: here. We miss you Sean.

Boring Saturday Preview

"Women do not exist, only football...college football" - Tebow

When ESPN Gameday is at the Iowa-Penn State football game you know it's going to a pretty awful Saturday of college football. Thus God invented gambling to make otherwise meaningless games reduce men to tears and force them to pawn their wives jewelery and Western Union their children's college funds to tropical Islands they will never visit.

In my imaginary world I walk around making million dollar picks like I'm Gordon Gekko giving stock tips. In reality I clench my butt-cheeks together at the prospect of wagering anything more than lunch money. Which is probably good because gambling is illegal and I would never condone it on such a prestigious website. Additionally, I believe even the best gamblers are lucky to break even when all is said and done but that won't stop me from throwing my hat in the ring every now and then. I'm no expert but I figured a good way to keep me dedicated to updating this site and from throwing away money I don't have, on games I will inevitably skew the outcomes of was of, is to preview the big games each week and throw some of my favorite picks out there.

With only one matchup this week involving two ranked teams there is no better place to start than Blacksburg, VA.

Miami (-2.5) @ VT

Is the U really back? That question will be answered this week as Miami takes their 2-0 conference record to Blacksburg for what is sure to be a hard-hitting game between two former Big East foes. Usually I would have a hard time ever picking against VT as an underdog in Lane Stadium but for some reason this game is taking place at 3:30PM EST. Lane stadium turns into an absolute jungle when the sun goes down but this game will be played before the sun goes down. The real ex-factor in this game may be the weather. It looks like it's going to be about 50* and raining at kickoff which could neutralize any speed advantage Miami looked to have and would certainly benefit a run-first VT team on their home turf. With that said Jacory Harris has looked like the real deal in two tough games already and the weather is never an excuse for any good team. I'll take the young and talented Hurricanes in a sloppy game that will probably have to be won by their defense. Confidence level: low.

Iowa (+10) @ Penn State

Sadly this may be the only other game of the day worth expounding on. The Iowa Hawkeyes travel to Happy Valley to take on an undefeated #4 ranked Nittany Lion team out for revenge after having their BCS dreams dashed last year by an Iowa team that returns 16 starters. This will be a "Whiteout" for Penn State, this is when all the students wear white shirts to the game to frighten the away team into submission. With this sort of "insanity" I guess they shouldn't even bother playing the game. I can't imagine anything quite as scary as a bunch of future accountants gathered in such a public display of unity. How will Iowa possibly be able to execute their gameplan in the whitest place in America this side of Utah. Unfortunately for the fans none of them will actually be taking the field and their team will have to do their bidding. Penn State has faced a grand total of zero noteworthy teams to this point in the year so it is hard to tell how good they really are. Iowa has also played pretty much no one mentionable and their games have actually been close. I'll take the team that has actually been contested this year for both teams first solid match-up. Just like Miami game I would not be the least bit surprised to see this game go the opposite of my pick. If Penn State jumps out early there is a good chance Iowa will fold but I haven't been impressed with PSU's defense this year and their LBs are banged up. Look for Penn State to win a close one, but Adam Robinson will take over where Shonn Greene left off and keep Iowa close enough to cover. Confidence level: medium.

Now that you've seen me publicly embarrass myself with two terrible picks I'll leave you gamblers with a list of my other leanings for Saturday's slate of games.

Against The Spread

LSU @ Miss St. (+13)
UNC @ GT (-3)
Ark (+17.5) @ Bama
Cal (-5.5) @ Oregon
ASU (+12) @ Georgia
Vandy (-7) @ Rice
Marshall @ Memphis (-3)
Wake (-2.5) @ BC
Ball St. @ Auburn (-33.5)
Rutgers @ MD (+1)
ND @ Purdue (+6)

Over/Unders

Toledo @ FIU (Over 59)
Boise St. @ Bowling Green (Over 51.5)
Indiana @ Michigan (Over 53.5)
Cal @ Oregon (Over 55.5)

Fresno St. @ Cincy (Under 63.5)
ULL @ Nebraska (Under 54)
Illinois @ Ohio St. (Under 49.5)
ND @ Purdue (Under 59.5)

I figure if I use this to keep track of my record I will see how much money I would lose if I actually had any....public shame is a hell of a tool...come to think of it this may be the first and last college football preview. FML.

Record: 0-0

Twitter and Robert Henson: Never Underestimate the Narcissistic Nature of Americans

If hazing is supposed to humble a man the Redskins let Henson off the post a little too soon

This post is related to the non-story of a Rookie LB for the Redskins, Robert Henson, who used his Twitter account to insult Redskins fans after the pathetic 9-7 win over the Rams last week. If you've been living under a rock you can read the story here.



The incident almost doesn't warrant a response but the national attention the story received combined with my utter frustration with Twitter and the Skins organization led me to the following rumination.



To begin, Twitter may very well be the first sign of the Apocalypse. Not since the advent of MySpace have I lost so much faith in humanity. I mean I know people love themselves but where do we draw the line!? As a Facebook and blog user feel free to call me a hypocrite. The thing which I feel separates me from the people I loath is that I realize nobody gives a shit what I think. Attention Twitter and Facebook users: No one that is your "cyber friend" cares that you are getting your wisdom teeth pulled. I last saw you in 11th grade, I don't want to hear that you are sipping wine, counting the starts and pumped about getting a new kitten this weekend. Your team allegiance is not fortified by your "Go (State school)" status update on Saturdays, and honestly they just clutter my home page and keep me from seeing who is "At the gym, getting ripped" that day. Neat. I didn't even mind Facebook when it was a stalking, umm I mean networking tool for college kids but now we've got Grandmothers and highschoolers bombarding us with status updates about their meaningless lives. The day status updates were added is the day Facebook died in my book. You can imagine my frustration when I realized there was a new website that was dedicated strictly to people’s “status.” That website is Twitter. Being the fool that I am I assumed Twitter would fade into obscurity when people realized their updates were just a running log of how boring their lives are, but then pseudo-celebrities stepped in. These human cancers are the key demographic for any tool of self-absorption and they really took Twitter to the next level. Now we get to hear about the opinions of every asshole from the NFL and MTV to local radio stations and high schools on our televisions. How is their stupidity our news?!? Am I the only one who doesn’t understand this? Well at least Dave Chappelle agrees: click here for his thoughts on celebrities.


Sorry for the rant, let’s get back to the story of Robert Henson now that you know a little bit about Twitter. My initial response to the story is best summed up by an e-mail I sent to some loyal Skins fans right after I read the story. It went as follows.

[begin e-mail] “Obviously this fagmo (Henson) hasn't followed the Redskins as long as we have....maybe we should blindly applaud this desperate organization for not scoring a touchdown against one of the league's worst defenses and chalk it up to Campbell "learning a new offense" or maybe Zorn is just "getting use to the position as a head coach." That would explain a senseless timeout call from the bench that could have cost us the game and a HB option pass on a 3rd and goal from the 8 yard-line the 4th time inside the Red Zone.

Because our fans boo, Henson believes our fans work 9-5 at McDonalds and don’t know football. The same people whom fill the 92,000 person stadium every week when the cheapest seat in the place costs $50 and doesn’t give you a view of the field? “Our fans work at McDonalds?” You (Henson) barely made the roster of one of the worst football teams in America...let's call it a draw. One thing I will give this kid is that our fans are 75% dumb asses and get emotional at games but so too are most NFL crowds that give half a shit about their teams. Have you seen a Philly game? Once upon a time when we won games and consistently showed effort playing on our home turf, our crowd wouldn’t dream of booing. RFK Stadium was home to the “best fans in America” but after 18 years of escalating prices, a shittier product, no championships and a hopeless front office, we sometimes feel the need to BOOO.

We are now a joke to the rest of the NFL who continues to watch new QBs come of age right before their eyes while our franchise QB stagnates after 5 years of mediocrity and ZERO playoff appearances (Our last two playoff QBs were Mark Brunell and Todd Collins). Try not to laugh when you read that. The only games we will win this year will be on the backs of our defense. Oh wait now I remember that’s how we have won every game the last 4 seasons. So yes when the offense once again almost gives away a game handed to them by the defense we are going to let the team know how we feel. 



At least Joe Gibbs senile ass stepped up and took responsibility for his dim-witted 2 timeout calls (blew the Buffalo game in his last year). As a coach Zorn has thus far proven to be a dickless pansy. His playcalling since the 5th week last season seems to be far more concerned with not losing games than winning them. I just can't decide who is hurting us more, QB or coach. How bad of a statement is it that you are taking the ball out of your quarterbacks hand in the red zone to run a HB Toss Pass on a 3rd down?!!? 

Shit Campbell is no better than Zorn for allowing himself to accept those play calls. Now I will calm myself by trying to remember that, “a win is a win” and none come easily in the NFL but it just sucks to have to swallow what’s coming this year with such a talented roster. Of course we'll beat some teams we have no right beating and we will lose some games that we thought would be wins before the season, but it all comes down to the fact that this is not a great or hungry team.

As cliché as it sounds it is undeniable that players come to this team for a payday after they have beaten themselves up early in their careers and they know they have nothing left to prove to collect a check. Mix that talent in with some young and hungry guys (Horton, Orakpo, Kelly, Cooley) and you've got the recipe for mediocrity. The real tragedy is that the entire league knows about it and we keep doing the same thing. I think I could live with it if it were an internal problem, like having an abusive step-father who makes the kids wear long sleeves to school to cover bruises but we are being publically flogged by the organization we want to love and the whole league is there to laugh at us.

For example last year I went to some bullshit extracurricular thing at Tulane Law School and Will Smith (DE-Saints) was there fielding questions. Long story short in a 30-minute question session the Redskins came up 3 times, unprovoked, as examples of places that overpay players and where you don't have to work very hard when you get there. Here is a guy who has only been in the league 5 years and has no reason to resent the Redskins but he publicly bashed us to an audience that openly giggled at our ineptitude. As I cried into my parka in the back row I tried to come up with some sort of retort but I had nothing. This team is fucked and will stay fucked until there is a complete overhaul of the organization, we move back to the District and we get a coach with enough of a sack (Cowher/Shannahan) to tell our front office to back the fuck up while he reminds the team what football is. (Im not even going to address Snyder because his $ makes him here to stay). God I’m sad. Bravo if you read through all this, now I’m going to go empty out my medicine cabinet and drink a bottle of red. 

Have you ever felt like this after a win?” [end e-mail]

Yep, those are the kind of e-mails I send. I apologize to the women, children and elderly for the foul language. Sick? I know but it’s been a long time since my tabula rasa was filled with 3 Super Bowls and a team that seemingly never let me down. I wish someone would put this in Robert Henson’s locker so that he might understand why we boo. No, Mr. Henson I don’t work at McDonalds but please tell them to call me if they are hiring.

Here are two applicable Redskins videos, the 2nd of which made me bite my tongue on my Zorn comments, slightly.

Video 1 - Snyder reaction to playcalling (fixed the link)
Video 2 - NFL Films on Campbell and Zorn during Rams game