Boring Saturday Preview

"Women do not exist, only football...college football" - Tebow

When ESPN Gameday is at the Iowa-Penn State football game you know it's going to a pretty awful Saturday of college football. Thus God invented gambling to make otherwise meaningless games reduce men to tears and force them to pawn their wives jewelery and Western Union their children's college funds to tropical Islands they will never visit.

In my imaginary world I walk around making million dollar picks like I'm Gordon Gekko giving stock tips. In reality I clench my butt-cheeks together at the prospect of wagering anything more than lunch money. Which is probably good because gambling is illegal and I would never condone it on such a prestigious website. Additionally, I believe even the best gamblers are lucky to break even when all is said and done but that won't stop me from throwing my hat in the ring every now and then. I'm no expert but I figured a good way to keep me dedicated to updating this site and from throwing away money I don't have, on games I will inevitably skew the outcomes of was of, is to preview the big games each week and throw some of my favorite picks out there.

With only one matchup this week involving two ranked teams there is no better place to start than Blacksburg, VA.

Miami (-2.5) @ VT

Is the U really back? That question will be answered this week as Miami takes their 2-0 conference record to Blacksburg for what is sure to be a hard-hitting game between two former Big East foes. Usually I would have a hard time ever picking against VT as an underdog in Lane Stadium but for some reason this game is taking place at 3:30PM EST. Lane stadium turns into an absolute jungle when the sun goes down but this game will be played before the sun goes down. The real ex-factor in this game may be the weather. It looks like it's going to be about 50* and raining at kickoff which could neutralize any speed advantage Miami looked to have and would certainly benefit a run-first VT team on their home turf. With that said Jacory Harris has looked like the real deal in two tough games already and the weather is never an excuse for any good team. I'll take the young and talented Hurricanes in a sloppy game that will probably have to be won by their defense. Confidence level: low.

Iowa (+10) @ Penn State

Sadly this may be the only other game of the day worth expounding on. The Iowa Hawkeyes travel to Happy Valley to take on an undefeated #4 ranked Nittany Lion team out for revenge after having their BCS dreams dashed last year by an Iowa team that returns 16 starters. This will be a "Whiteout" for Penn State, this is when all the students wear white shirts to the game to frighten the away team into submission. With this sort of "insanity" I guess they shouldn't even bother playing the game. I can't imagine anything quite as scary as a bunch of future accountants gathered in such a public display of unity. How will Iowa possibly be able to execute their gameplan in the whitest place in America this side of Utah. Unfortunately for the fans none of them will actually be taking the field and their team will have to do their bidding. Penn State has faced a grand total of zero noteworthy teams to this point in the year so it is hard to tell how good they really are. Iowa has also played pretty much no one mentionable and their games have actually been close. I'll take the team that has actually been contested this year for both teams first solid match-up. Just like Miami game I would not be the least bit surprised to see this game go the opposite of my pick. If Penn State jumps out early there is a good chance Iowa will fold but I haven't been impressed with PSU's defense this year and their LBs are banged up. Look for Penn State to win a close one, but Adam Robinson will take over where Shonn Greene left off and keep Iowa close enough to cover. Confidence level: medium.

Now that you've seen me publicly embarrass myself with two terrible picks I'll leave you gamblers with a list of my other leanings for Saturday's slate of games.

Against The Spread

LSU @ Miss St. (+13)
UNC @ GT (-3)
Ark (+17.5) @ Bama
Cal (-5.5) @ Oregon
ASU (+12) @ Georgia
Vandy (-7) @ Rice
Marshall @ Memphis (-3)
Wake (-2.5) @ BC
Ball St. @ Auburn (-33.5)
Rutgers @ MD (+1)
ND @ Purdue (+6)

Over/Unders

Toledo @ FIU (Over 59)
Boise St. @ Bowling Green (Over 51.5)
Indiana @ Michigan (Over 53.5)
Cal @ Oregon (Over 55.5)

Fresno St. @ Cincy (Under 63.5)
ULL @ Nebraska (Under 54)
Illinois @ Ohio St. (Under 49.5)
ND @ Purdue (Under 59.5)

I figure if I use this to keep track of my record I will see how much money I would lose if I actually had any....public shame is a hell of a tool...come to think of it this may be the first and last college football preview. FML.

Record: 0-0