Skins-Bucs Preview: "What are you gunna do?"

"Either we heal now as a team or we will die as individuals..."

If I've gotten one major complaint about this blog, besides how much it sucks, it's that I am too long-winded and people need a dictionary to know what the hell I'm saying. As a result I will keep the Skins preview short and sweet this week.

In the aftermath of the Lions game, D.C. seemed like the saddest sports town in the Nation. Radio stations are literally giving out paper bags tomorrow for disgruntled fans to wear to this weeks game that read, "Hate the owner, love the team." Some shmuck is selling his fan loyalty on EBay for $10,000+ (good riddance) and anyone from outside the Nation's capitol who viewed this spectacle would probably think the Redskins had just finished their 50th losing season in a row and were about to leave town. We're not Baltimore people. For God's sake! We aren't fair-weather sissies but we have had enough of this underachieving product over the past 12 months, errr 18 years.

The most shocking news I received all week was that we were 9-point favorites this Sunday. My first reaction was that I must have drank the wrong bottle from under the sink the night before, but when the line remained the same when I woke up sober on Tuesday, I immediately began wondering how terrible Tampa must be if they are that big of underdogs against the Skins. The answer is, they're pretty terrible. Bottom 5 offense in the league, bottom 2 defense in the league. Already turning to a back-up QB who has thrown a total of 10 NFL passes and the team is headed by a first year coach who may have bitten off more than he could chew.

Breaking down the game the most interesting statistic to watch tomorrow will be third-downs on both sides of the ball. The Bucs have the worst 3rd down offense in the league and the Skins have the worst 3rd down defense in the league (based on conversion %). Something has got to give. I can't imagine that the defense isn't pissed off after Detroit moved the ball up and down the field on them last week and I can't imagine that Tampa's offense can be too cocky seeing as Josh Johnson will be making his first start of his career without many weapons around him. Tampa's offense actually makes the Lions look pretty legitimate. Kellen Winslow should be good for as many personal fouls as catches and their most valuable weapon (Antonio Bryant) may not even play. If Tampa is going to be successful it will likely have to be fueled by their running game which has 3 very capable runners in Cadillac Williams, Derrick Ward, and Earnest Graham. All said, Tampa will not be looking to turn this game into a shootout. They are probably going to try to grind the ball and hope to keep our offense out of the endzone as everyone other team has been able to do thus far.

Of course if I am going to mention injuries and running the ball it is noteworthy that Clinton Portis is questionable for the game and if he plays he will likely be very limited (under 20 touches, unless they shoot him up with some good shit). With that said it is likely that Jason Campbell will be airing the ball out and once again the passing game will be what makes or breaks this game. If there was ever a time for a statement game this is it and the two people in Redskins gear under the most scrutiny tomorrow will be Jason Campbell and Jim Zorn. Their fates are eternally linked. "You go, we go."

If I were Jim Zorn this week instead of fraternizing with Tom Cruise before the game, I would give a stirring rendition of this speech (my favorite cinematic football speech) and make sure that the team took the field with an "us against the world" mentality because that is the position we, I mean they, are in right now. Fuck the fans, fuck the owner, fuck Vinny, fuck FedEx field, fuck unemployed bloggers who foresee our demise each week, this isn't about anything but the 53 men in that locker room, coming together, and playing for each other. I know, I am an idealistic dolt and none of the millionaires in the locker room are going to stand up and say that, but you gotta dream, right? God where is George Allen when you need him!? (If you're a Skins fan and don't know who George Allen is, first kill yourself and then watch this video. "40 men together, can't lose!" )

As for a prediction, what use are those really? We are either going to be the same team we were in Detroit and lose this game 16-13 in overtime. Suicide rates will skyrocket in the D.C. area and more hermaphrodite Skins fans will jump on the Ravens bandwagon. Or, we are finally going to pull together and put a bad team away. Early and often. A stat that is particularly distressing is that the last time the Skins scored 30+ points in a game was December 23, 2007. As an aside, the Saints are AVERAGING 40 point per game this season! And the Lions thought they had a streak?? Even the Browns went over 30 twice in that span! Stick that in your pipe ESPN. I'm going to go out on a limb (which should come in handy if we lose) and say that if the Redskins win this game it won't be squeaker. My much-maligned heart says that if the Zorn-driven Skins are ever going to put together a complete game, this will be it and they will romp, 31-10. Take it as you will but we should know what we are working with after the first quarter tomorrow. It's hard to call the fourth game of an NFL season a must-win but that is pretty much where we are right now with the Skins. Get your paper bags ready ladies...

Queue Jack Kent Cooke rolling in his grave.

And here is some painful nostalgia because I hate you. Hard to believe this is the same franchise.