I am in an abusive relationship with the Washington Redskins. I love them unconditionally but they beat me down every chance they get. Not only am I left bloodied and bashed for 99% of our time together, when we are apart I am just worried about the next beating. In this case, the offseason produces the opportunity to get away from the Redskins for a while and to try to attempt to enjoy all life has to offer. Thanks to the advent of the Internet and cable TV however I am constantly reminded of my painful existence as the bottomline on ESPN streams headlines such as “NFL: Redskins offer next 10 years of 1st round picks for Mark Sanchez, the rights to Michael Vick and a half-eaten Chipotle Vegetarian Burrito.” Not only does my lover ruin my enjoyment in other sports but also when I go to open my e-mail to chat with family and friends I am terrorized by ads like the one posted above.
After viewing this ad and wiping the vomit off my computer screen I tried to compose myself and think of a person who was not homeless and understood football that would want these rags. I could think of no one, but then I reminded myself of some of the shmucks who share my allegiance to the team and realized that someone has to be buying this garbage or they wouldn’t have the stones to try to sell us this crap. I take it as a slap in the face that they proudly advertise the jerseys of admitted busts like Jason Taylor and Adam Archuleta AFTER they left the team yet somehow these things sell rather than going to Haiti or a trashcan. Any fan base that has not boycott or committed a coup d'état against such soul-sucking ownership deserves what they get every year. The creation of this blog basically stems from the facts that I was sick of holding in all this pain. This is my cry for help. I’m not gunna take it anymore! God, I feel like Nicole Simpson telling off O.J. If I end up dead in the Anacostia river next week you know who did it. Anyone who isn’t quite ready to take a stance against the front office of the Redskins, namely Snyder and Cerrato need not look anywhere else for motivation.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane. The Redskins haven’t always abused me. When I was a child they were a legitimate, and sometimes-dominant franchise led by the ownership of Jack Kent Cooke and our fearless leader Joe Gibbs (part I). Then Jack died and his estate went to shit and the team didn’t stay in the family. In walks the grim reaper, Danny Snyder. For the better part of the last 10 or so years I have been trying to defend him. After all, he really is a fan and he does want to win, but at some point you have to sacrifice your ego and decision making for people who know what they are doing. You run the numbers Dan, get a football guy to do the rest and not a yes-man who doesn’t blink. A quick run down of the blunders that have led us to this monumental day.
Snyder plays fantasy football. By signing over-the-hill, overhyped, premadona scabs like: Deion Sanders, Dana Stubblefield, Adam Archuleta, Jesse Armstead, Brandon Lloyd and most recently Fat Albert, Snyder cemented himself as a joke in the league and took all of us with him. People in America used to root for our team and now we are the NY Yankees and Danny is a Steinbrenner with no rings.
FedEx Field: The biggest atrocity of a sporting venue in the history of man. Prices, no replay TV, the parking lot, the location, etc. I hate you! (This deserves its own article).
Snyder didn’t see the negatives in holding practices open to other teams.
After travelling to Miami to watch the Florida Gators wax my beloved Terps in the 2002 Orange Bowl I returned home to the suicide-inducing news that Steve Spurrier, the man who I hurled fruit at and booed only days earlier had been hired to coach the Skins by Dan Snyder. Everyone knew this was destined for failure. The man ran up the score in his first PRESEASON game and tried to run a college style spread offense with Danny Wuerffel as the Quarterback in the NFL, and he lasted nearly 2 seasons! Hurts.
The coaching search circus which ends with Zorny.
This list has to stop, my eyes are starting to bleed.
At least there was some good news today. The Cowboys roof collapsed and came raining down upon their horrible teams. I guess this is a good comeback to that whole Jerry Jones statement, “There’s a hole in the roof of our stadium so god can watch his favorite team play.” God: 1, Cowboys: 0.
Hail.
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